btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
