I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
