Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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