Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
