omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
