it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
