Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
