When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize