We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
