I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
