so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
