That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
