Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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