Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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