He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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