i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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