You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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