i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
