so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sponge bath it is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
