You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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