Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
