yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize