I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
