Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
