my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
