There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize