pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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