I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
