When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
