Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
