i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize