Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize