Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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