you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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