I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
