I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
