hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize