i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
