There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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