i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
