hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
