I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
