I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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