I heard we made out
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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