Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
