Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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