Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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