Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
