Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
