Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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