I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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