At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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