You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize