oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
