I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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