so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
