remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
