She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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