i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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