the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
