It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
