I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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