When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
