this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
