i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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