apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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