Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
