I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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