Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
