My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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