It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
