Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
