Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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