He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
