The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
