He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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