What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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