Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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