dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
