Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
