Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
