you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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