Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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