I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
