When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
