im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
