I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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