we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
