this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
