How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
