forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
