Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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