You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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