Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
