I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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