I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
