I want to make a zoo with you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
