dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
