Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hippo gnu deer
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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