i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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