I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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