i'm signing you up for texting rehab
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
