Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
