Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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