How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
