Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
