My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
