so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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