Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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